LeBron James Return To Cleveland Cavaliers: The Essay Said All The Right Things, But What Does The King Really Want To Say? Read Between The Lines!

Not a few where surprised when LeBron James returned to the Cleveland Cavaliers.  James took everything personally, and that is both good and bad. Has he really matured as much as the essay portrays him to be?

GQ had a hilarious feature on LeBron James and how he really feels. Reading between the lines, this is the result. The italics are excerpts from the essay and right below it are GQ's comments:

"I'm not promising a championship.
I'm promising a championship.

My patience will get tested.
So help me God, if I see one memo in Comic Sans, I will turn this car around right now."

This is an obvious reference to Dan Gilbert's hate-filled rant when LeBron left Cleveland in 2010.

"But I have two boys and my wife, Savannah, is pregnant with a girl. I started thinking about what it would be like to raise my family in my hometown.
I started thinking about what it would be like to raise a girl in Miami because like have you seen the women in Miami? They're awesome but you know, damn.

I always believed that I'd return to Cleveland and finish my career there.
When people move to Cleveland, they often die soon afterward."

The cultural divide between Cleveland and Miami is brought up here. Miami has the beach party vibe going all year long, and many athletes are intrigued by that scene.

"Miami, for me, has been almost like college for other kids.
A college where you get to hang out in a hot tub with Rick Ross.

I will always think of Miami as my second home.
Even though, right now, it's my fourth home, after the mansion in Akron, the house in Akron, and that gold-plated penthouse on the Eiffel Tower and the little one bedroom on board the Russian space station."

All humor now.

"Without the experiences I had there, I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing today.
Like now I can do things like tie a cherry stem in a knot with just my tongue, boogie board, play pro Kadima which is an Israeli paddle ball game often played on the beach, and beat Pat Riley in Sudoku.

I've talked to some of [my teammates] and will talk to others.
I never did get Justin Hamilton's phone number."

Justin Hamilton was a center for the Miami Heat, traded by the 76ers in 2012.

"I'm doing this essay because I want an opportunity to explain myself uninterrupted.
Really, I'm just trying to get people excited for the new juice bar my wife is opening in Cleveland. And because Jim Gray has bad breath.

I'm not having a press conference or a party. After this, it's time to get to work.
...after I get back from the World Cup."

The World Cup trip has already been planned. And speaking of Brazil..

"And I can't wait to reunite with Anderson Varejao, one of my favorite teammates.
Lots of times Brazilian women don't wear tops with their bikinis, and often they come to pool parties at Andy's house.

But what's most important for me is bringing one trophy back to Northeast Ohio.
I had a replica of our 2013 made that I'm shipping back. If you guys are cool you can touch it."

Which is the real LeBron James? We'll find out next season!