[Trigger Warning/Content Warning: Bullying, Suicide]
Haena, a rookie girl group idol who is part of ANS, revealed in a series of now-deleted Instagram posts that she is being bullied by her members. This has led her to develop a panic disorder and has even caused her to try to end her own life.
Haena had three posts revealing what she had endured, but deleted two of them. Only one post that talks about the bullying she endured have been left upon her account, as she deleted the other two. The first post, which is still up on her account, talks about how she can't believe the people who bullied her are even human and asks them to apologize for all that they have done.
"I can't handle it anymore. My life is ruined. It's so hard, it feels as if I'm dying. I don't want to hurt anyone, even to the end. But I feel so sorry for those people who have been supporting, and for those who like me, even if there's nothing good about me. That's why I have been keeping this all to myself.
Is it so difficult to apologize? Well, I don't even hope for an apology. But don't you think this is too much?
Are you even human? I'm no longer afraid of anything, whether it be death or waking up. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't keep this in anymore. I haven't said anything, I've kept silent, so when will you get that? What was I so good at, that I had to endure this alone? I was desperate, I know that. I didn't want to ruin things and make things complicated. If I just die quietly, no one will know why. If you were really human, you would at least live the rest of your life flooded with guilt. I didn't want to wake up, and when I did, I just felt even more scared. You say you never did it because there's no proof? I kept silent, even though it was so unfair. But it's not because I'm stupid.
This will be the last I give in to you, so think about it well. If you apologize, even though I can no longer forgive you, I will endure it and let it go."
In her second post, which is now deleted, she talks about how she tried to visit the hospital secretly because she felt that if they were to know, she would be bullied even more about her panic disorder, especially when she's back in the dorms.
"I've been keeping it to myself, but if I reveal it all, it will be over. It's just so crazy, I can't even be angry. An official note? I had to secretly go to the hospital because of my depression and panic disorder. I thought if I told you guys about it, you would just think I'm pretending to be struggling. The agency knows that. The staff said the one thing my parents want from me was to graduate, they weren't involved with anything else, they just wanted to make sure my idol activities did not interfere with my studying. They trusted the agency and left their daughter in their hands, and this is what the staff did?
My hands are shaking. I went back to school and didn't have any issues with attendance, and now me not going to school is more of a problem than me not attending group practices. I did well during our promotions, so why are you pretending to be a staff member, calling my homeroom teacher every day, and recording the conversations? You didn't want to talk about it, so all you said was sorry.
It seems you have all forgotten about the wounds you caused and the hurtful words you said to me at the cafe that day? I will never forget it for the rest of my life. I even talked to the company about it. I couldn't breathe well when I'm around you guys because of my anxiety. I discussed this with our CEO and he decided I should go on a hiatus. And that official note? There is a record of it being sent, and I have already discussed this with our agency.
In the dorm, you never included me in anything because I'm a minor. You were always suspicious of me, continuously ridiculing me. Why can you guys have fun, while I am isolated and under suspicion? At first, I thought this is how you guys gave attention. But you've crossed the line. Whenever you would call and I couldn't answer because I was asleep, you would immediately get suspicious of what I was doing and call me a hundred times.
I developed anxiety and panic disorder because of all of you. I couldn't do anything. Even our agency couldn't control you guys anymore. Do you even recall what you did to me? Did I ever do anything wrong to you? Did I hurt you? You guys said you can't hang out with me and isolated. The CEO even said it could be dangerous, even after test results came out, the company has been like this since the start, right?
Think about what you have done. I never intended to interfere with your personal lives, but you guys left me no choice. Fix yourself."
Her last post, which has been deleted along with the second posts, talks more about the bullying she received and hints at the bullies being her group members, saying she was left at the dorm and was ganged up on by seven people; ANS has eight members, which would mean she is talking about the other seven in the group. The post also talks about self-harm and how she attempted to take her own life.
"You say I'm just having fun and making money? You know what kind of situation I am in. I can't endure this any longer. I didn't want to talk about it, but I haven't even been talking with my parents, and I feel bad that they have to go through this. Because of that, I lived with a friend for the past few months.
My friends helped me with the living costs and the fees for my treatment, they took care of me as if I was their younger sister. I felt so sorry for them that I decided to end my life. I went up the rooftop and was about to jump, but when I thought about how my friend took an extra job to help me and my sibling without asking for anything in return, I burst out into tears. I told my friend I was sorry and that I would try to continue living my life.
A part-time job? I tried to talk about it with my agency, but as the talks dragged on, nothing happened. After getting some treatment, the only I could do was allowed a friend of a friend to use my picture to promote their store, and they allowed me to live with them.
I went to a hospital and was told it would be better if I didn't attend school and stayed away from my agency due to my anxiety and panic disorder. The agency knew of my family situation, but you guys had no idea what I was enduring, right? I'm getting chills just thinking about how the seven of you ganged up on me. Why did I put so much effort into trying to end my life?
I almost jumped off a building I cut myself with a knife. I took strong medicine I normally don't take and consumed 50 sleeping pills, which led me to be hospitalized. Do you think it's just because I wanted people to pity me? Why would I pretend I needed pity while revealing my family situation to you? Don't you remember what you said to me in the cafe that day? You told me to turn off my phone the moment I got there.
I wouldn't have done all of this if you didn't say that. I cried on the way home that day. I couldn't handle it anymore That what the first time I talked about that day. Proof? I don't have a lot, but I'll reveal what I have one by one. Did you all get scolded for what you do? You guys do all of the things the agency tells you not to do.
Maybe you feel like I violated your personal privacy, you guys can do the same to me. But do you guys have nothing better to say or do that you have to talk about my family situation? You guys are the ones butting into someone else's business that you shouldn't be minding. How are you blaming me? How is this my fault? I'm all alone, I can't even do anything and you know that. I'm scared, but I have to take care of this.
I don't care about anything else. I don't care if people say things, those bullies know what I'm talking about. Pity? I never hoped to receive pity? I don't care how people treat me anymore. I want you guys to live your life flooded with guilt. I'm sick of this."
The ANS members have not responded to Haena's claims.
