Nigella Lawson will divorce husband Charles Saatchi....but surprisingly, she's not dumping him after the graphic choking incident in a public restaurant.

Rather, it's the other way around-husband Saatchi announced that he wants a divorce from Nigella Lawson.

Saatchi says that he's divorcing soon-to-be-ex Nigella Lawson because she didn't defend him after he choked her in public and made her cry. Which is...pretty incredibly despicable (and not in a cute Despicable Me way, either).

Oh, and Saatchi didn't even bother to tell Nigella Lawson he was divorcing her-instead, he told press. She was not aware of her husband's planned "divorce ultimatum" before the article's publishing, Sunday.

"I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women and have never abused her physically in any way," Saatchi said.

The shocking photographs of Charles Saatchi choking celebrity chef Nigella Lawson at a restaurant emerged, and Nigella was clearly distraught and crying in the photos. Since then, Nigella left their home-seemingly at his orders until things "blow over".

Saatchi was photographed grasping a distraught-looking Nigella by her throat while screaming at her while she was in tears before additionally squeezing her nose shut with his other hand.

Following the incident, there was a police inquiry.

Saatchi claims he applied no pressure while choking Nigella...which apparently makes it o.k. "It was merely a gesture," he says, and Nigella has done the same. Okayyyyy. Any danger the photo shows-because, well, Lawson's being choked and looks terrified-is "wholly different and incorrect," he said.

Okayyyy.

Advice to Nigella in her divorce from husband Charles Saatchi? Good riddance to bad news.